Why Perfectionists Struggle to Feel Content & What to Do About It

Do You Feel Content?

Contentment is a state of being happy and satisfied. It’s not the short-lived, excited kind of happy, it’s more like being peaceful and at ease. Feeling content means being satisfied with who you are, where you are, what you have and how far you’ve come. It’s not that you don’t have dreams, goals and ambitions, you’re just able to accept your current reality while trusting these other things will materialise too.

Why Perfectionists Struggle

If you’re a perfectionist, contentment can be tricky. Rather than enjoying the present moment and feeling satisfied with your achievements, you’re permanently striving. It’s hard to feel content when you always think you can or should be doing better. Trying to reach your self-imposed high standards can also have a negative impact on your wellbeing. Stress and burnout, both common symptoms of perfectionism, are definitely barriers to contentment.

If you’re not constantly striving and always on the go, you may be struggling with procrastination. Not doing things because you’re afraid of doing them imperfectly is SUCH an uncontented place to be.

Perfectionism also goes hand in hand with people pleasing and imposter syndrome. When you’re a people pleaser, you’re always putting yourself last while trying to make others happy. When you live with imposter syndrome, you’re constantly doubting yourself and your place in the world. 

On top of all this, perfectionists often feel guilty when they slow down or relax. It’s hard to experience moments of contentment when self-care and self-compassion make you feel uncomfortable.

A Blueprint of Sorts…

In very simple terms, these are the shifts many perfectionists need to make, the obstacles they need to overcome, if they want to experience more contentment:

• Less fear, more courage
• Less self-criticism, more self-compassion
• Less procrastinating, more getting things done
• Less busy, more mindfully present
• Less people pleasing, more being saying no
• Less guilt, more self-care

How to Feel Content

As a recovering perfectionist myself, I know that change is possible. You can learn how to feel content! Here are some useful links and ideas to get you started: 

1. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps us learn to live in the present moment, get out of our heads and start savouring the good moments. It also increases joy, happiness and appreciation, all of which contribute to feeling more content. My 8-Week Mindfulness for Modern Life course can teach you the skills you need and help you start incorporating them into everyday life.  

2. Cultivate Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is like a secret superpower you can use to silence your inner-critic, build emotional resilience and feel more content. Cultivating self-compassion can take practice, so don’t be surprised if it takes a while to master. Read Find Out How Self-Compassionate You Are.   

3. Stop People Pleasing

Although people pleasers tend to be seen as kind and helpful, behind this agreeable façade, they often struggle to advocate for themselves. This can lead to a negative pattern of self-sacrifice or self-neglect, neither of which are conducive to feeling content. Read 3 Ways to Stop People Pleasing in Its Tracks.

4. Tackle Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is the chronic feeling of inadequacy and incompetence, despite success. There’s no need to feel like a phony or believe you don’t deserve the success you’ve achieved. Read 5 Ways to Beat Imposter Syndrome.

5. Create Balance

Your day should include nourishing activities, not just depleting ones. Remember to prioritise things that give you a sense of enjoyment, achievement and closeness to others. My freebie Mindfulness for the Modern Woman is the ultimate guide to less burnout and more balance in 7 days.

6. Build Self-Esteem

If you don’t feel the need to prove yourself, you’ll feel more at ease and content with who you are and what you’ve achieved so far. Read How to Tackle Your Low Self-Esteem.

Find Out More

If you’re a perfectionist looking for a BABCP Accredited Senior CBT Therapist who specialises in perfectionism you can book an appointment here.

Want an honest look into my experiences as a perfectionist and the actionable steps I take to navigate it and make positive changes? Subscribe to The Diary of a Perfectionist.